The host wants to build, the guest wants a game: find a start both accept
By Erik Nilsen · Kroni2 min read
Your child planned to build an imaginary city with their visiting friend. The friend would rather play a board game. Both believe the visit was meant to involve their suggestion. An adult can help find a small first choice without declaring that the guest always decides or the host has the final word on everything.
Find out what each idea requires
Ask what the children actually want to do. “Building” might mean a two-hour project or one small figure in ten minutes. The board game might take an hour with all its rules.
Compare two brief versions:
| Suggestion | Short first version |
|---|---|
| Imaginary city | Make one figure each and invent names |
| Board game | One practice round without the full tournament |
The adult checks what is possible at home. Avoid promising an outing or another person’s possessions before checking.
Ask whether both can accept the start
One agreement could be: “We will try the figures for ten minutes if both want to. Afterwards, we will choose again.” A child need not pretend it was their favourite. Equally, a clear no should not be ignored merely because the attempt is brief.
If neither idea works for both, ask for a third. Perhaps they want to invent a story using existing figures. Doing different things nearby for a while can also be possible if the visit and adult arrangements allow it.
Keep the promise of the next choice
After ten minutes, ask again. Avoid allowing the host to insist the city must first be finished. Nor should the next activity start automatically if the guest now prefers something else. You promised reconsideration, not two fixed stages.
The adult can help with sentences: “I tried this with you. Now I would like to suggest the game.” And: “I want to continue the city. Can we agree how long?” Both wishes should be heard without making either person responsible for satisfying the other throughout the visit.
Afterwards, your child can discuss whether the original plan suited a visit. Next time, the invitation could say: “We were thinking of building, but we can choose something together too.” That gives the guest accurate expectations beforehand and allows the agreement to develop between the actual participants.
